The story of JiJi and Pizza

happiness and pain

lunlun...

first of all. really thanks for being here with me on christmas. never expected you would be here with me.

i'm really very happy seeing u catch the da fei yu and sharks. really.

although we lost all our tokens but i witnessed u catching those fishes. it was fun. it was a piece of memory. 700+ points.

it hurt me damn much when ur hand was injured. i didn't laugh, it hurt me.

i'm just like your doraemon, always taking out toys for you to play

i knew you like the thing that shakes its head, from minitoons. and i got it from u one day. does it still shake on your desk. are you still the cute lunlun who likes to look at it when you're stressed?

the superman kite..
the bird kites both end up in tree by u...the first one u said is my fault so i got the second one just to show u it isn't my fault.
the usaaf huge kite..

one day when we tried to retrieve the kites, we even saw a praying mantis doing "i like to move it move it! he like to move it move it, she like to move it move it, move it!" on the tree we tried to climb.
we desperately tried to save kites ended up on trees using our sandal, pepsi/ice lemon tea bottle, stones...do you remember any of those funny and sweet memories?

we lost the bone of mini stunt kite in the evening and managed to find it... it was fun, the uncle taught u ( also uncle anyway) how to fly it.
what happened to our mini stunt kite by the way..i don't quite remember

one day i decided we should play connect 4...monopoly deal...

i never thought of taking out a propelling toy to waste your time or irritate u
i really just wanted to make you happy

if i am really doraemon, i would take out a time travel machine, and travel back i time to find my lunlun.

it seems like u'll only get angry at every thing i do...every thing..

if only u could see through the problem and things, and give me the long kiss u didn't for 3 months..if only...
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we are happy, we can be happy, but you're not letting it be, why???????????????
you're the one not letting us be happy.

do you know there is only one problem in between us which causes you to be angry at every little thing about me and going crazy? do you know what that problem is?

all i ever wanted for xmas is for that real you to come back and kiss me. and all i ever ever wanted was a faithful boyfriend.

what did u want as a girlfriend? u don't even know what u want.
an understanding girl who lets u betray her feelings and pretend knowing nothing? a girl who talks really well pretending she understands?

if i don't believe u went to buy present, why would i smile and go out with u during xmas? it's bcos i believed u.

my bf, weilun, was the cute, funny guy who chu chiu, who is very very warm and kind. who clears his own rubbish and doesn't curse and swear at small things.
i...really missed him.

the merril lynch weilun was a really snobbish and act cool person.

from head to toe, you remind me of my bf lunlun.
we went to buy the long sleeved shirts together. the levis jeans. size 32 made him feel so fat. his ass was 35.5inches. mine 37.5inches. puma sneakers. moshi ipouch, small and big ones. AX belt as your present. from the start of our relationship until now, i gave u everything u wanted. every thing. really every thing.

i thought u would think of me while u were searching for other pple's presents
but not even a chocolate was meant for me. u really weren't like this.

i didn't need anything monetary. i wanted love. something that can never be bought. and love, doesn't mean blaming. doesn't mean hurting. those words u said, pierced through my heart.

i know ur tired..tts why i chose to blog here..instead of telling u face to face or on msn...a blog which u will never read.

u keep asking me to let go and say i am selfish JUST because i begged u not to go out with connie!
nothing else, that was the only reason. don't give me any more excuses. don't.
u even told me it's none of my business between u 2. as though i am the outsider when i am the only one who is hurt directly. i can't know wad is going on, then nvm,
all i ever wanted was a faithful boyfriend.

group outing so what? last time u told me go drinking with her was group outing too? only 11 out of 44 interns attended and, not only group outing, u hugged her in individual outing too. it hurts me. my boyfriend lunlun hugged someone else. what more will happen if u 2 are together. put urself in my shoes. please. please i beg u. please understand even a f bit. u and her shudn't even be together no matter group or not.
u promised me u wun contact her, because u love me right?
u broke ur promise, because u are unfaithful?
u can't promise me anymore, bcos u dun love me?
why dun love me anymore?
wad have i done? i had done nth to deserve all of these pain?
without her, we would have been so happy. really.

have u ever self reflected or repented upon urself. is everything my fault and have u not done anything selfish? have u not cheated? have u ever cared or gave me anything i wanted?

if u wanna talk abt back then...i already told u at esplanade. i thought u understood. i told you damn clearly. i thought u understood and hugged me when i cried. i thought ur eyes were red because ur heart ached for me. bcos u know u were wrong.

i was at the hospital..this kind of thing happened to me..and u freaking tell me "it's not helping" and let go kinda stuff when i tried to tell u abt the operation...
all i wanted was my bf's support care and love..i was f scared
at tt point of time, do you think i still want to see u as tt kind of guy who just visit me for the sake of guilt or pity?!?!
i don't need that, i'm sorry. my friends and family were there, it already hurt me damn bad, i don't need u as a friend, might as well just leave me to die. moreover, i didn't want u to come back bcos u saw the state i am in, during that point of relationship. make up ur mind before visiting me. i already told u.

u were the one who called me to try again and said u have feelings for me. i was puzzled too. ur fren told me it's all bcos of her.
if i trust ur fren, will i still be here now.
and u very well should know it is not ur friend's fault. wake up the idea. how can u f blame him or blame me? what would happen if i never knew u cheated? it is your fault for two timing.

i really wanted to start afresh when u told me u wanted to.

at esplanade, u were the one who said u really want to try again with me. i made it damn clearly to u. please dun be together with me just bcos u feel responsible for my life. that isn't what it should be. it should be because of love. i asked, reconfirmed with u many times, gave u options.
at tt point of time, i said, if u love her, just say so and i'll let u all go. please dun plan any strategy. i very clearly said that. u treated me as a mad woman, when i had a hard time managing the pain u caused.

then what did u do? told me u never contact her again. at amk garden, u told me for being ridiculous it was just a group outing. said u would call the police. WHO ACTED?
yet, u did see her in the dark, ALONE. WHO ACTED?
u told me u will sacrifice and never go any group outing again. u proposed it out of ur own will. WHO PROMISED?

said never contacted again.
hug her. that is never contact? who wouldn't be hurt or angry.
who could forget that.

u wanna mention that ex-friend of mine again, pluck open my old wound. ALL my other frens who know us know i really didn't gang up with her. i dun have to clarify myself again.
dun keep using her to cover up what u did with the 3rd party.

u wanna accuse me, bring ur fren to come and talk. i can't admit sth i f didn't do, even if u castrate me. ur apology was insincere as though i still freaking did it.
after slapping me in the face, giving me a tiny sweet. tt's what u always do. yet i didn't take it to heart.

how could that lunlun, did all those terrible things to me, said all those hurting words and still call me selfish... i really don't know

i wanted to put everything behind and be happy with u. if only u could see the problem and reach out for me.

posted by pizzza @ 12:01 AM